It's a Gift to be Simple

This is a talk that I am giving at a Leadership Training Meeting on Aug. 24, 2008.

I want you to know that the topic of this talk is not a topic that I myself would have chosen, but as I was preparing for this leadership meeting, it became very clear to me that this is the topic that the Lord would have me speak on. I know that it has been a very good reminder for me, and hope that it will be for you, also.
Several years ago I noticed a trend in the Christmas letters we were receiving from our friends across the country. The letters seemed to be almost a competition of “how much my family and I were able to accomplish this year.” As I would read this or that letter, friend A was accomplishing this or that, friend B was serving on multiple boards, PTA’s, and church callings, friend C’s child was involved in 300 sports plus music lessons, etc. I decided that I wanted to opt out of that contest!!!!
We each have to make a decision about how much to put on our plate and, most importantly, what the Lord would have us do.
We live in such a hectic time. A favorite quote of mine is by Marjorie B. Hinckley. She says, “Last Thursday at [the General Authorities] Wives luncheon two of the granddaughters of Susa Young Gates gave a musical skit of her life. She was a prolific writer, do-good-er, organizer, etc., etc., etc. I turned to Sister Kimball and said, “It makes me wonder what I am doing with my life.” “You are running to and fro,” she quipped. She was right. I am running to and fro and shiver to think that someday I will have to account for the time spent.” (Glimpses into the Life of Marjorie Pay Hinckley, p. 87).
In reading through the transcripts of the “Worldwide Leadership Conference” from Feb. 2008, I noticed, especially in the roundtable discussion, a heavy emphasis on the need for us to make sure that we are not so busy that we are neglecting needful things.
Sister Lant talks about how sometimes a woman is called to a position, say as a primary worker, “and she thinks, ‘OK, how am I going to do all of these things?’ And she works at doing those things, and then she looks for what else she can do.”
Elder Holland quoted Elder Scott from the 2004 Leadership Conference when he said that sometimes to magnify your calling is to do less, not more. Elder Holland continues, “We’ve got to have the wisdom and the judgment to be able to kind of ‘do it all.’ It’s just that we can’t do it all at once, and we sometimes don’t need to do all the things we’ve done. But the essential things we will be blessed to do.”
Elder Holland, later in the discussion, mentioned the pioneers. When they came across the plains they had handcarts. They had to carefully load those handcarts and be choosy about what they would put in them; they had a long way to go, and if they put too much in them the handcarts would become too burdensome. He says, “Just as our ancestors had to choose what they took, maybe the 21st century will drive us to decide, ‘What can we put on this handcart?’”
Are we putting the important things on our handcarts? Are we reading our scriptures and attending the temple? I remember telling my visiting teachers, when I had several young children, that I was too busy to read my scriptures EVERY day, but that I did several days a week. But I have learned in more recent years that reading my scriptures NEEDS to happen every day to help me through the other things I am doing.
Carol J. Rasmuss has written a new book called, “Simplify: How to Control Stress by Caring for the Soul.” I haven’t read it yet, but I read the excerpt from it on the Deseret Book website. I want to share a few thoughts from that with you.
She talks about the book “Gift from the Sea” by Anne Morrow. (A dear friend loaned me this book a few days ago and suggested I read it – I guess I will!!!) In Anne’s book she writes, “What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives. It puts the trapeze artist to shame. This is not the life of simplicity but life of multiplicity that the wise men warn us of. It leads not to unification but to fragmentation. It does not bring grace; it destroys the soul.”
Carolyn Rasmuss goes on to say, “As we think to simplify and make it a spiritual quest, we are reminded that the Lord commands us to be still and to listen.”
She reminds us that prayer is not a one-way communication, but rather that we need to take time to listen AS WELL as to pray. She also talks about the importance of “scheduling in” time to ponder and reflect. Our lives are so busy that if we don’t make a conscious effort for alone and quiet time, it won’t happen.
I am grateful that as I look around at you and many wonderful people in our ward and community, that Satan is not winning our souls through sin. However, I do worry that he might be able to win us through distraction, through things like not having time to tend to the needful things (scripture reading, church and temple attendance, serving others), and through keeping the “noise” level so high that we cannot hear the gentle whisperings of the Spirit.
I hope that something I have said today will prompt you to take some serious time in reflection. Take a good look at your life and what you are doing and make sure that you are allowing yourself the time and the quiet to commune with the Lord. Learn to simplify.

A Place of Miracles

In November 2001, our life brought us one of those events that sits somewhere in the back of your mind as something that happens to other people, not to you.

Our 20-month-old daughter, Lyndsi, began a learning experience doctors refer to as Guillain-Barre. This incredibly painful disease attacked our sweet daughter at the end of a simple head cold. In this disease, the body’s own immune system destroys the myelin sheath of the nerves. The best description the doctors could give us was that her entire body felt the way the rest of us feel when a foot or leg “goes to sleep;” however, there was no way to relieve the pain. During her time at the hospital she also developed a very serious bacterial infection.

I will spare the dreaded details of the illness, other than to say that she is truly a miracle and we are so grateful for our Heavenly Father’s watchful care and for the lessons we learned along the way. The kindness and support from the medical community we dealt with was such a great comfort to us also, and I can never say enough wonderful things about how well we were treated.

But the point of this chapter is to try to share a small part of the overwhelming lessons that I learned while at Primary Children’s Hospital, things that have helped me grow closer to the Spirit.

We had a nurse in the ICU named Adam. He asked us if we were LDS, and when we told him that we were he told us that every Sunday there is a Sacrament Meeting (worship service) held there at the hospital for the patients and their families. Although circumstances with Lyndsi prevented my being able to attend on either Sunday that I was there, I was touched by the description he gave me. He talked about what an emotional experience it is to sit in a room full of sick children, some of them toting along their IV poles, some of them bald, all of them with health trials, and to listen to them sharing their testimonies of God and His love for them, telling how grateful they are for their blessings.

The first Sunday that we were there we were in the ICU, but the second Sunday the Bishop and a young man (I think his son), came room to room to see if anybody wanted to partake of the sacrament who had not been able to come to Sacrament Meeting. In a regular Sacrament Meeting the priesthood holders bless the sacrament for the whole congregation and then pass it to each person, but, as I experienced first hand, when the sacrament is administered to you alone, the bread and water are each blessed, just for you. Tears flowed freely down my face as I more deeply understood at that time that the sacrament is completely individual; even though it is administered to the congregation as a whole, Jesus’ sacrifice was very specifically for ME, as it was for EACH person. The impact that experience had on me is one that still humbles me to this day.

One night as I sat by Lyndsi’s bed two men came in to visit the family of the boy with whom Lyndsi shared a room. The curtain was drawn and I wasn’t paying any particular attention to what was going on, until I heard a prayer begin. As these two holders of the Priesthood laid their hands on the head of this little boy and prayed for his recovery, such a wonderful spirit entered the room. I pondered on how many blessings were given through the Priesthood in this very hospital every single day, and how many miracles had been seen here.

I had often heard people express the idea of “feeling prayers” in their behalf. I had always wondered what that must mean; but you know, sometimes you get what you asked for, and I now have a very clear understanding of that concept. We were aware of the numerous friends, family, church members, and even complete strangers who knew of our plight, who were praying for her. I don’t do well with stressful situations, but I was blessed with a calmness and cheerful attitude (most of the time!) that were way beyond what I thought I was capable of, and I truly felt that my Heavenly Father was by my side through all of this.

I honestly do not know why some people are allowed miraculous healings and others are not; but I DO know for certain that our lives are in the hands of a loving Heavenly Father who weeps when we weep.

Somebody asked me after that experience if having gone through that experience had built a special bond with Lyndsi that isn’t there with the other children. I guess to a point, perhaps. But it definitely changed my feelings for ALL of my children and my husband, because I realized that in merely an instant our lives can change. It helped me be more grateful for every single day and to “cherish the moment.”

I am so grateful that the Lord still gives us miracles!!!

"The Invisibles"

That's right, the "invisibles." Probably not the title of any movie you've seen lately!!

Our family took a vacation to New Mexico this last week to visit my uncle. While we were there we stayed at the Embassy Suites. It's wonderful because you get a full "real" breakfast everyday! A big plus for our family!!

As we were sitting at our table, I was watching the "bus boys" who would go around and clear the dishes from the table. One that we became especially fond of was "Josh." He was this tall young man with a cheerful grin and a happy countenance. He was so pleasant and always made sure that we were doing fine and had what we needed. I told him one day while we were there that I enjoyed how pleasant and kind he always was. He smiled and told me that "that is just the way I am!"

Who are the invisibles? The invisibles are the bus boys, the janitors, the sky caps - the people who serve us, but we tend to allow to go unnoticed.

Just like the body needs all of it's parts to function well, our society needs each member, invisible or "out in the spotlight" to do their part to keep society functioning well. Imagine a building with no janitor!!! But how often do we ignore or just not notice those individuals?

Several months ago I was standing in the airport waiting for Jeff to get our bags off of the conveyor. It was taking some time, and I was standing near a sky cap who was trying to help two women find their bags. The ladies were impatient and snippy, but this man kindly stood there to do what he could to be of assistance.

As we were waiting, I started a conversation with him. This man was from Africa and had come to America several years before. He talked about his family and the different places he had worked in America. He was truly fascinating.

Who of us truly wants to be invisible? By and large most people want to at least be acknowledged. The next time you are out and about, tell the person cleaning the glass on the store doors that they are doing a good job, smile at the lady cleaning the bathroom. You might just make somebody's day!!!

Opportunities for growth

Recently I received an email from a group I belong to for moms of LDS missionaries. One sister talked about some really hard things that her son had gone through on his mission, and how that had been a trial of her faith as well. As a parent it is always hard to watch our children struggle and have difficulties. However, she went on to say that in retrospect she sees how those experiences shaped him to be better prepared to deal with trials that came later in his life.

I have gone through experiences at different times in my life that have made me really struggle, and that weren't fun; sometimes, I hate to admit, I would even question the "why." Looking back (hindsight is 20/20!) I am better able to recognize the blessings that have come as a result of those experiences.

There is a relatively new CD out by Kenneth Cope. He has a song on it called "Where You Are." I want to share some of the words of this song with you:

I'm talkin' Daniel in the den of the lions,
Talkin' Jonah in the belly of a whale,
I'm talkin' three Hebrew children
And they're standing in the furnace, the fiery furnace.
But the fire didn't burn them,
And the lions didn't bite,
And the Lord reached down and you can be sure that
Everything turned out right.
Oh you'll meet the Lord in the furnace
Long time 'fore you meet Him in the sky.

Meet Him in your time of trial,
Meet Him in your hour of prayer,
You can reach out and I'll bet
You'll find that He's there.

And the fire won't burn you,
And the lions won't bite,
And the Lord will reach down and you can be sure that
Everything will turn out all right
Oh, you'll meet the Lord in the furnace
Long time 'fore you meet Him in the sky,
Then you'll meet Him in the sky.
(Kenneth Cope copyright 1991)

Sometimes when things seem difficult, my husband and I joke that we need to make sure we get it right so the Lord doesn't make us repeat this learning opportunity!! (For more on this topic see Neal Maxwell "Encircled in the Arms of His Love" http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=ea59ee9ba42fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
It seems it all comes down to truly having faith in the Lord and submitting our will to His, having the faith to know that if we allow our will to be swallowed up in the will of the Lord, "everything will turn out all right."

Lessons from the Little Stream

A favorite children’s song of ours is “Give Said the Little Stream.”

“Give,” said the little stream;
“Give oh give, Give oh give.”
“Give,” said the little stream
as it hurried down the hill.
“I’m small I know but wherever I go
The grass grows greener still.”
Singing, singing all the day
Give away, oh give away.
Singing, singing all the day
Give, oh give away.

A new “thing” we’ve started in our family is making “little stream” cookies, which means we make a batch of cookies and give them all away (ok, so we DO snitch some dough and one or two cookies each!!!).

I think that sometimes we get too busy in our lives to really take care of our “neighbors” as we should. This last year has been WAY over the top busy for my comfort level, (it still is, but I’m consciously working on it) and to be honest one of the things that was the hardest for me was feeling like I was too busy to be a true friend, wife, mother or daughter. I didn’t feel like I could take time to “just chat” or to stop and visit for a minute. I was emotionally and physically “unavailable.”

I think in today’s society we have gotten so caught up in our own lives that we are missing valuable and wonderful opportunities to care for, share with, and learn from others. I miss the times we used to have when I was younger when we would go over and visit the neighbors on their porches or out in their yards. In today’s world, it’s hard to know if it’s ok to just “drop by” because everyone is so busy.

Maybe it’s time we all learned a lesson from the “little stream.” And maybe the most important thing for us to “give away” is our time and sincere friendship.

Knocking Down Walls

I am currently visiting my mom for the week. As I was out walking yesterday I passed my former high school. It was old 26 years ago when I was there, so now it’s REALLY old!!! They are in the process of doing some rebuilding and changing. As I walked past the old driving range area they were just starting to knock down the tower building where the teacher would watch each driver out on the range and give them direction over the radio on what they needed to do differently. I’m sure I spent a lot of time out there, and hopefully I wasn’t TOO bad of a driver, but truly one of my few memories of my time on that range is the teacher yelling at me because I was having problems trying to drive a stick shift (I finally DID master it several years later, though!!)

It seemed kind of silly that watching that old building come down made me feel a bit emotional. I stood there and watched it for awhile. Maybe it wasn’t so much the building itself, as it was the flood of memories that came washing back to me. As I walked through my old neighborhood I thought of beloved neighbors and friends who I haven’t seen in many years, or who have passed on to “the other side.” I thought of people who were very dear friends in high school, but who I haven’t had contact with in way too many years.

I thought about old friends, and old acquaintances who have become friends over the years. I thought about how many things change over time. I thought about how I wish I could help my teenage children understand that, although their friends are ultimately important to them now, as the years go on many of those people will disappear from their lives, but they will always have their family…to help them understand the importance of spending time building relationships with their siblings.

I am very blessed that I am not a person who tends to hold grudges. However, I know plenty of people who do. Watching that building come down made me think about “walls” we have in our own lives. And not just walls of grudges, but walls of prejudice.

In thinking about friends from the past, I remember a young man who I was friends with, but was not particularly popular. One time I saw him coming toward me at a dance, and being oh so concerned about my own abilities to be “cool,” I hid so he wouldn’t ask me to dance. I have always regretted that. He was such a GOOD person and just nice guy. I’ve heard he actually turned out to be quite successful and I am very happy for him. I’m sorry that I lost that chance at building a better friendship with him.

What kinds of walls do we build? We all know about the walls we build to protect ourselves – walls we build because we have been hurt in the past, or because we are scared, or too busy, or whatever seems important. But what kind of trade-off have we made?

It completely drives me crazy to watch a movie where the actor and actress are both in love with each other, but one or both of them is unwilling to break down a wall, or even open a gate, to allow the other one “inside” to know their true feelings. If one or the other would just take the chance to say, “Hey, I really love you, like you, want to be with you, etc.” then they could have the possibility of a wonderful relationship.

How often do we do that in our lives? Maybe not with a “love interest,” but even with friends. What about that new neighbor that just moved in? She dresses a little differently from me, he seems a little conceited, they seem to have it all together and don’t need any more friends. There could be a myriad of excuses for us to not come out of our comfort zone – too busy, too shy, too insecure – but what kinds of wonderful relationships are we missing out on? What kinds of great experiences are we losing?

I love people. I love to learn about people. I have learned so many fascinating things from people who at first glance may seem not worth the conversation. When Jeff and I were in New Jersey last spring we were at the Newark airport on the shuttle to the departure gates. There was a man across from us that was probably in his late 20’s. He was definitely a piece of work! He looked like the poster child for how to be Gothic. He had more earrings, necklaces, rings, etc on his body than I even own. His hair was spiked, his fingernails were black, and he looked a tad bit intimidating. He looked at me as I looked at him. I kind of chuckled and said, “Ok, I just have to know…I can’t even get through security with a belt on! How do YOU get through???” That short ice breaker began a most fascinating and enjoyable conversation with this young man. What an amazing conversation (and conversation topic!!) I would have missed if I had merely decided he was too weird and not worth my attention.

We tear down the walls of old buildings to create something better. Maybe we can find ways to open gates in our walls, jump over the walls, or just plain forget about the walls. I think in doing this we will be amazed at the blessings that not only come into our own lives, but the blessing we can become in the lives of others.

A thought for today...

"To every man there comes in his lifetime that special moment when he is figurately tapped on the shoulder and offered a chance to do a special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talent - what a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for the work which would be his finest hour." Winston Churchill

My 44th Birthday

Today is my 44th birthday. I really thought I’d be feeling “old” and weird about it, but as I pondered it, I realized that I actually feel younger than I have for awhile. I have come to realize that I am very likely only ½ way through my life, and goodness, that’s not a great time to be feeling old!!! It’s time to really LIVE!!

It was kind of funny at the breakfast table yesterday. My 13-year-old Michelle was discussing my upcoming birthday. I told her that now that I am turning 44 I am officially in my “mid-40’s” instead of my early 40’s. She assured me that the only “mid-40” is 45; before that you are early 40’s and after that you are late 40’s. I really liked that idea! However, I don’t think my 47-year-old dear hubby did!!!

This last year has been a really tough year for me, but a really amazing year. I have learned more in the last year than I had in many years. This last year I have learned to build a website, write a blog, buy a trademark, do office billing, be the Primary President, make a new type of baby blanket, and be a grandma, along with other “odds and ends” lessons!! I have also learned that I have more patience, intelligence, and talents than I realized.

I hope that I have learned, better than ever before, to “cherish the moment.” As I watch my children growing up to be wonderful human beings and as they leave home and start their own lives, I realize how short and precious are those few years we have them. Hopefully I am internalizing the concepts of “don’t sweat the small stuff” and “choose your battles.”

I have hopefully learned to really put my life in the Lord’s hands – to “jump on, hold on, and enjoy the ride.” Of course, as we all know, this is an on-going process! Just when we think we have it all figured out, the Lord decides to give a test here and there to see just how devoted we are to that concept!!!