Which Direction Are You Facing?

Recently I heard a snippet of a talk by John Bytheway.  I don’t even know what the name of the talk was, but he was speaking about a talk he gave to a group of men in prison.  This topic, however, fully applies to each of us.

As we start this New Year and are making goals and resolutions, one of the things worth pondering about is not necessarily where we are, but rather what direction we are facing.

Kudos to you if by and large you are doing the things you should be doing….reading your scriptures, praying daily, attending the temple, etc.  But are you continuing to progress toward a closer relationship with your Savior, or are you becoming complacent?  Are you continuing to strive, or are you letting little things slip now and then (I’m too tired to read my scriptures tonight, it’s ok if I don't keep the Sabbath now and then, this movie really isn’t THAT bad)?

On the flip side, if you realize that, like most of us, you are far from perfect, which direction are you facing?  Do you feel like you are never quite good enough, yet you are continually making a conscious effort to improve and to overcome your weaknesses?  Then you ARE facing the right direction!!  The Lord does not tell us to be perfect RIGHT NOW…he tells us to BECOME perfect.  That implies that this path we are on will be a lifelong (and then some) endeavor.  The trick is to be headed the right direction on that path.

So as this year begins, take a minute to evaluate that path and where it is taking you.  And while you are at it, also evaluate the improvements you have made this last year and give yourself a “hug!”

Sometimes it is the Little Things....

This last week was Thanksgiving.  For the last little while I have been thinking about people who have touched my life at important times, and realized that many of them may not realize how significant their action was to me or that they made a difference in my life at all.  It brought to mind how sometimes things that seem like little things to one person can make a world of difference to another.  So I wanted to publicly mention them here because they have had such an impact on my life.  They are in no particular order, and I am purposefully not including my husband and our family because that would take WAY too much space in this post.  

When I was newly married we attended our “young married adult” ward for the first time.  I was young and felt so very out of place and alone.  I sat down in Relief Society and the Relief Society President came over and sat by me, put her arm around me, and welcomed me to the ward.  For her that was a little thing – for me it was huge!  And speaking of presidents, I served under many wonderful women auxiliary presidents who patiently and lovingly taught me through their examples how to lead with love and how to serve well.  This was priceless when I became the president of an auxiliary.

When I was about 9 I was a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I had been raised in a religious family but never really understood that you could pray for help.  One day we had a family of church friends over at our house and I lost my little purse that had my money in it.  I told the friend that was my age that I had lost it and didn't know what to do.  He suggested that I pray about it.  New concept!!  I did, and very shortly thereafter remembered where it was.  That was a powerful lesson for me.

My best friend in high school had no idea what an example she was to me of how to work.  We served together in ward responsibilities, played the piano together in Jazz Band, and served together on Seminary Council.  Her example was truly life changing for me.

I had surgery in high school and was in the hospital for several days.  A friend of our family came and spent an afternoon in the hospital with me and was just THERE so that I would not be alone.  Another time I had surgery in my 30’s – I knew who the anesthesiologist was but he didn’t know me.  As the medicine started to work I told him that it was painful.  He was truly compassionate in his response to me and I felt of his kindness.  We later ended up living in the same neighborhood and I have never forgotten his kind and gentle care.

Our youngest daughter became critically ill when she was 20 months old.  A number of people helped us through that difficult time, but the two most touching were my friend who came and held my hand at the hospital as we could hear my daughter’s cries down the hall during a spinal tap, and the kind neighbor who, through his ties with the local airline was able to provide tickets for my husband to fly up to Primary Children’s Hospital to be with us after our life flight adventure, and then to also provide tickets for us to fly home instead of having to try to make the long drive back.

We lost a grandchild to death shortly after birth 2 years ago.  One day at church not long afterward I had to leave Sacrament meeting and go sit in the hall because I was having such a hard time emotionally.  A member of the ward saw my struggle, came over and just touched my shoulder and gave me a smile before he walked off.  He had no idea how much I just needed that reassurance.

There have been a multitude of others – from little things like a visiting teacher coming and sitting by me in church just when I felt like I needed a friend, to a friend leaving a note on my windshield of my car, and more. 

It is not only in the sad times, though.  Those special touching memories are there in the happy times.  It’s the person in the grocery line that smiles and chats with you for a minute, or the neighbor that takes the time to ask how your “away” children are doing.  It’s the home and visiting teachers that are faithful in their visits and care.  It is the friend from the past that takes a minute to drop you a quick note or email just to check in and let you know they are thinking of you.  And don’t forget the friend who knows you need a chocolate fix and provides!!!!

Several years ago I started an album of special notes/letters I have received.  It has now turned into several albums and those are so very dear to me.  There are so many people in my ward and neighborhood who have made a difference just by being there – a hug, a smile, the warmth of their continued friendship.  We build those relationships “line upon line”.  Those small strands of silk become the strong ties that bind us together as a human family.  We all need each other – each one playing their small part in making a better world.

We really have no idea how much the little things can mean to others.  I’m thankful for all of those who have touched my life, and I continue to pray for opportunities to touch the lives of others each day.

My Hubby IS My Boyfriend

In the last year a number of people close to us have been experiencing marital problems and are either contemplating divorce, or have actually become divorced.  I have spent a lot of time pondering this.  Jeff and I have an amazing marriage.  It isn’t perfect, and there are hard times – I know that sometimes I probably drive him crazy, but we love each other deeply and are truly best friends.

As I have contemplated things to tell others who are struggling with their marriage, one idea that I have thought a lot about is, “What would you do differently after you got divorced?”  Well, I assume that you would start looking for a new boyfriend (or girlfriend, as the case may be).  Hmmm, seems like if you were on the “hunt” for a new person, you would probably treat that other person a bit differently than you treat your current spouse. 

What kinds of things would you do?  I would imagine that you would make sure you looked your best when you knew you were going out.  I assume you would date!!!  You would probably text each other and call each other throughout the day.  You would hold your tongue more often, be patient, and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  You would use endearing words to them, you would put their comfort and happiness before your own.  You get my drift here….

So, if you are going to go to all that effort to have a boyfriend, why not make your HUSBAND your boyfriend???!!!!!  How do you greet your hubby when he gets home from work?  Do you basically ignore him, or do you give him a big hug and kiss?  Do you ever call or text him during the day just to share a funny incident or to tell him you love him?  Do you cuddle up with him when you watch a movie?  Do you sit by him in church or do you let all of the kids sit between you?

I love being married to my boyfriend!!  After 30 years we still flirt, cuddle, and hold hands with each other.  We have a weekly date, and we make a great effort to take good care of each other. 

Don’t you think it would be better to keep the spouse you have and keep your family intact?  It IS possible to fall back in love even if you think you have “fallen out of love.”  Give it a try…what do you have to lose???

The Sweetness of Humor

Unfortunately, I tend to be a person who instantly reacts to a situation instead of taking time to think things through before I act.  But a FEW times in my life I have actually paused, taken a breath, and then been quite pleased with the outcome of how I handled a particular situation.  This is about one of those…

My hubby Jeff and I had been married about a year or so and were living in a small apartment while we were attending college.  I will be the first to admit that I am a neat-freak and don’t like clutter, but I had been quite patient with the pile of Jeff’s clothes that were accumulating on the chest between our closet and bed.  Granted life had been VERY busy; we were both in school and working and also fulfilling busy responsibilities at church.  But really??????

I walked into the bedroom and began to have a little steam coming out of my ears when I saw “the pile”.  My first inclination was to be angry and snarky.  But I took a minute, a deep breath, and a BRILLIANT idea came to me!!  I screamed!!

Well, needless to say, that got Jeff’s attention.  He came running into the bedroom just sure I was about to die.  As I stood there, obviously fine, he asked me what happened.  I looked at him like I was worried and said, “You left your side of the closet door open and ALL OF YOUR CLOTHES JUMPED OUT!!!!”

Bless his heart, (yes, I am a southern girl, but I do mean that sincerely), from then on, and to this day 30-something years later, he is still WONDERFUL about keeping his clothes picked up!!!

Humor is a wonderful tool that can be used to diffuse difficult situations.  However, helpful humor does not include behavior that is belittling, demeaning, or degrading.  True, useful humor leaves both parties feeling emotionally “intact”, not “attacked”. 

Life is to be lived joyfully.  A little true and kind humor can go a long way.

Where to put that vase??

Having 5 children, you tend to end up with lots of crafts and gifts they bring home that you just don't know WHAT to do with!!!  My three middle children each brought home a Mother's Day vase and flower when they were in about 1st or 2nd grade.  The vase was always cute, but the flower quickly died.  What to do with that vase???  


I finally came up with the idea to use artificial plants and display them by my front door.  I like it when I have a great idea!!!!

The Importance of Ministering

In my responsibilities at church I am the Stake Primary President.  What this means is that I am responsible for the training and stewardship of the leaders of the "Primary" program (children 18 months-11yrs old) for 9 church congregations.  In all there are approximately 1200 children.  Twice a year we have a leadership training for these leaders of the children.  Following is my "President's Address" that was given April 22, 2010.

"The Importance of Ministering"

My dear brothers and sisters, what a wonderful and special blessing we have to serve the children!!!  The longer I am in my calling, the more I understand how vitally important our callings are.

                Recently I had the opportunity to visit with a sister who was a member of the Primary General Board about 10 years ago.  Her husband is currently serving as a bishop at the MTC, so she is heavily involved in serving with him there.

                As I was visiting with her I confided in her that sometimes I feel like I invest so much time and effort in my calling and I wonder if it even makes any difference.  She grabbed both of my arms and said, “I need to tell you something.”  She then proceeded to tell me about an experience she had at the MTC.

                As the missionaries come into their ward, they have a group meeting with them and they have a list of questions each missionary has to answer out loud to help them get to know each other better.  Some of the questions are along the lines of “when did you gain your testimony” and “when did you decide to serve a mission.”  She told me of a young man who shared an experience he had in Primary.  He told them that one day in Primary, before he was even old enough to be baptized, the Primary President said, “Each of you has to decide today whether or not you are going to serve a mission,” and she looked each one of them in the eyes as she said this.  With tears running down his face he told the group that even though he was not old enough at that time to be baptized, the Spirit bore witness to him that he was to be a missionary and he knew from that day on that this is what the Lord would have him do.

                She said that many of the missionaries speak of gaining their testimonies in Primary.  It was very humbling for her, also, because she realized that these missionaries who were now bearing their testimonies of Primary had actually BEEN in primary when she was on the General Primary Board, and their theme had been about the importance of helping primary children gain a testimony.  She bore her testimony to me of how important our callings are in serving the children.

                When we went to our training in Salt Lake City by the General Primary Board they talked about how our callings as members of presidencies are very ADMINISTRATIVE, but it is also our responsibility to MINISTER.

                So how do we best fulfill this dual role?   The keys to this are to prepare spiritually, minister, and to teach the gospel.

                We need to prepare spiritually.  We have given each ward a copy of our stake goals for Primary this year.  Our theme is to help our children go from having a testimony to becoming “truly converted.”  We feel that the only way to successfully have this happen with the children is if the LEADERS are truly converted.  We have discussed this in many meetings and as we have met individually with each ward. 

                I would like to spend time this evening concentrating on the topic of “ministering.”  I think that in addition to being “truly converted,” we need to be truly united.  Pres. Topham has stressed this very strongly in his ward conference talks.  “If ye are not one, ye are not mine.”  Our unity begins in our presidencies.  As you have seen in our presentation tonight, in a well-functioning presidency meeting each person is given an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings.  Each person’s feelings and ideas are listened to with respect and attention.  There is not one person who dominates or has total power – you are a team. 

                At our training in Salt Lake we were taught that “When you bear your testimonies to each other your hearts are united.” (Sis. Lifferth)  As a primary presidency we have personally found this to be true.  On our way to the meetings one of our sisters bore a beautiful testimony of some trials she has gone through lately and how the Spirit helped her to overcome her obstacles.  Other stories were shared that day, and it truly did increase our love and appreciation for each other.

                As Tammy mentioned, in Mosiah 18:21 it talks about “having (our) hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.” How is the unity in your presidency and with your teachers?  Does each person feel that they are valued and that their opinions matter?  Do we allow each person to fulfill their callings, including learning from their own mistakes? Or do we tend to micromanage others who serve under our stewardship?

As you build unity and friendship in your presidency, this will filter down to your teachers and other primary workers.  You will be more inclined to include them in your circle of love and care.

Pres. Thomas S. Monson has said that, “Love is the catalyst that causes change.  Love is the balm that brings healing to the soul.”  We need to make sure that our interactions with other Primary workers always resonate with love, even when gentle correction is required.

We have a responsibility to minister to the primary teachers and leaders.  We feel that one area that is frequently overlooked is the need to minister to our nursery leaders.  It is very important for presidency members and also members of the BISHOPRIC to occasionally visit the ward nursery and visit with the teachers that are serving there.  Nursery leaders often feel like they have disappeared into a “black hole.”  We want to make sure that ALL of our teachers and primary workers know of our love and concern for them.

As members of presidencies we have a responsibility to minister to the children and their families.  This should be happening not only at church, but through visits to the homes of the children, showing love and concern for them as we see them in society, and by praying for them.  We need to make sure that we are spending time in each of our presidency meetings concentrating on the needs of the children and teachers in our wards.

                We also need to make sure that we are taking time to minister to our OWN families!!!  We are concerned about making sure that we are teaching the gospel to our primary children and caring for THEIR spiritual needs, but are we caring for the spiritual needs of our OWN children??  Are we taking time for family prayer, family home evening, and scripture study??  Are we taking time to ENJOY them?

                In 3 Nephi 17:23 the Savior tearfully tells the people to “Behold your little ones.”  As the people looked they saw the angels encircle their children and minister to them.  Sis. Cheryl Lant has reminded us that WE are angels, here to encircle the children and minister to them, at home as well as in Primary.  The Lord has put a great trust in us.

                I want you to know that we pray for you and for the children of the stake.  We are so pleased and grateful for the love and efforts that we see you give to these children.  The children of this stake are so blessed to have you as their leaders.

I Have Become My Grandma!!

When I was growing up we used to chuckle at my grandma a bit because she had white index cards with notes written in green ink taped everywhere; they were all over her desk that was in the nook just off of the kitchen, they were on the refrigerator, they were on many of the cupboards in her kitchen.  There were notes to remind her to set the oven at 350' at a certain time, notes to pick up dry cleaning, and even notes taped to the back of the front door to remind her how much she owed the delivery man when he came (this is where I first learned what C.O.D. means as it was written on one of her "cards.") My grandma would have absolutely loved sticky notes!!!


One day a couple of years ago, I looked at my counter by my phone at my collection of "sticky notes."  I started to chuckle as I realized that I had become my grandmother!!!!


A wise friend asked me last night if maybe making such lists was a bad idea; if maybe it would be discouraging instead of helpful.  Perhaps for some people, but for me I love it...1) I love crossing things off that I have finished!!! and 2) it gets rid of my "brain clutter."  If it is written down I don't have to keep thinking about it.


I have a list tucked away in a notebook that is the "long term" or bigger projects, like the spot of the basement ceiling that really needs to be repainted.  The long list on the counter is the "mindless" things that need to happen soon, such as scheduling dentist appointments, getting car repairs, and currently a whole sticky dedicated to next Saturday's Scout Day Camp that I am in charge of carrying out.


Then there is the "daily" list; the one at the bottom.  It keeps me on track for that day's appointments, kid lessons, etc.  Gratefully I typically only have 2 or so lists at a time!!  Right now is just a little busy.


The only downside to all of this is that I feel like a quote from Marjorie Pay Hinckley when she was a young mom.  She said, “Last Thursday at [the General Authorities] Wives luncheon two of the granddaughters of Susa Young Gates gave a musical skit of her life.  She was a prolific writer, do-good-er, organizer, etc., etc., etc.  I turned to Sister Kimball and said, “It makes me wonder what I am doing with my life.”  “You are running to and fro,” she quipped.  She was right.  I am running to and fro and shiver to think that someday I will have to account for the time spent.”  (Glimpses into the Life and Heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley pg 87)

Many of these things I do are just things that "have to be done" to keep things running smoothly. I suppose one of the biggest challenges in life is deciding what's most important and making sure those don't get left off the list!!!