“Choose the Better Part”
President’s Message
Stake Leadership Meeting Oct 2009
I want to preface this talk by saying that I know that as women we are really good at guilt (Pres Wilkey used to call guilt “the gift that keeps on giving.”) I have spent a LOT of time pondering and praying about what the Lord would have me say today, and this subject is the answer that I received. I would like to challenge you that instead of hearing these things and allowing yourselves to feel guilty, I hope that you will go home from this meeting, counsel with your families, counsel with your presidencies, and pray to know what the Lord would have you do. If you receive the answer that you are doing well, that’s wonderful!! If you receive the answer that you need to do a little “tweaking,” I hope that you will be willing to follow that prompting.
In Luke 10:38-42 http://scriptures.lds.org/en/luke/10/38,40-41#38 we learn the story of Mary and Martha. Martha is busy organizing, cooking, and caring for domestic things while Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet. Martha is rather critical of Mary and irritated that she is not helping. But the Lord teaches Martha a very important lesson here: “And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou are careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
In the Book of Mormon in 1st Nephi 8 Lehi had a dream in which he saw an iron rod that the people had to hold onto in order to stay on the path of righteousness and return to our Heavenly Father. The mist of darkness came and those who were not holding to the rod lost their way. We usually label the mist of darkness as evil and temptations. However, I am going to propose to you that many of us are being lost and losing our families in a “mist of darkness” created not by evil and temptation, but by distraction.
Elder Ballard in the April 2008 General Conference gave a talk where he discussed the problem we have created of being too busy. He said, “Don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs, scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer, art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.”
A favorite quote of mine is by Marjorie B. Hinckley. She says, “Last Thursday at [the General Authorities] Wives luncheon two of the granddaughters of Susa Young Gates gave a musical skit of her life. She was a prolific writer, do-good-er, organizer, etc., etc., etc. I turned to Sister Kimball and said, “It makes me wonder what I am doing with my life.” “You are running to and fro,” she quipped. She was right. I am running to and fro and shiver to think that someday I will have to account for the time spent.” (Glimpses into the Life of Marjorie Pay Hinckley, p. 87).
Elder Holland, in the Feb 2008 World Wide Leadership conference, mentioned the pioneers. He spoke about how when they came across the plains they had handcarts. They had to carefully load those handcarts and be choosy about what they would put in them; they had a long way to go, and if they put too much in them the handcarts would become too burdensome. He says, “Just as our ancestors had to choose what they took, maybe the 21st century will drive us to decide, ‘What can we put on this handcart?’”
I am concerned that we spend so much time making sure our children have opportunities that we are “missing the boat” regarding what is important. Unfortunately, life has become very competitive, and if a child has not started a sport or activity by the age of ten, they are often at a disadvantage. However, I am concerned that we are so worried about their earthly success that we are forgetting the need to focus on their spiritual success and on our family relationships.
Recently I attended my husband’s high school reunion. It was not in Utah, but he had had a good number of LDS friends there. There were several people we met that I could tell had known him from being in his ward or stake, yet it was obvious by the smell of their breath or drink in their hand that they were no longer following the teachings they had known in their youth.
More often than not, when I would question him about one person or another, he would say, “Well, they really weren’t that active in high school.”
Ok, so as parents, what are we doing so that our children hold to the rod???
Our church leaders have frequently reminded us of the basics that need to happen in our home. Are we so busy that these things take a back seat?
I would like to reiterate 6 of them:
1 – Personal and family prayer
2 – Personal and family scripture study
3 - Family home evening…not just a goof-around night, but a gospel centered activity
4 – Attending your church meetings together
5 – Attending the temple regularly
6 – Eating one meal a day together
And of course, there are many other good and worthwhile things we could add to our list, but I feel that these are the BASICS. It is a hard line to draw sometimes, and one that needs to be done with a lot of spiritual guidance.
As leaders in our wards, we have to have our lives in order before we can adequately help and lift those whom we serve. Just like on an airplane, if those emergency face masks drop you are told to put YOURS on first before you help another. Your spiritual cup has to be full before you can help the leaders for whom you are responsible.
Just as in our family lives we need to get more back to the basics and let some of the “frills” go, the same is true in our Primaries.
Our primaries need to be a place where the children are learning the basics of the gospel. For some of these precious children, primary is their only exposure to gospel teaching and the scriptures each week. We must be careful to be teaching them truths and not expending a lot of extra energy on “fluff.”
I found that as a ward Primary President, the most effect sharing times I had were not the ones where the children were entertained, or there were cutesy handouts or treats, but they were the ones where I had spent a lot of time preparing MYSELF spiritually and trying to follow what I felt the Lord would have me do.
Let’s be honest…as a ward Primary President it is humanly impossible to do everything you feel needs to be done at 100%. The key is to prayerfully decide what the Lord would have you do. Which children need a special visit? Is there a leader that needs my attention? What can I teach the children to help them become truly converted?
I would like to end with a quote from Elder Ballard from the Oct 2006 General Conference. He says, “We need to thoughtfully allocate our resources of time, income, and energy. I would like to let you in on a little secret. Some of you have already learned it. If you haven’t, it’s time you knew. No matter what your family needs are or your responsibilities in the Church, there is no such thing as “done.” There will always be more we can do. There is always another family matter that needs attention, another lesson to prepare, another interview to conduct, another meeting to attend. We just need to be wise in protecting our health and in following the counsel that President Hinckley has given often to just do the best that we can.
“The key, it seems to me, is to know and understand your own capabilities and limitations and then to pace yourself, allocating and prioritizing your time, your attention, and your resources to wisely help others, including your family, in their quest for eternal life.”
My dear friends, please be prayerful in your families and in your callings. Don’t let your children or these dear primary children get lost in the “mist of darkness” because we were too busy to “choose the better part”. We love our children enough to do these things, such as scripture reading, prayer, and eating together. But do we love them enough that we ARE doing it??
I want you to know that I love each of you, I pray for you often, and am so grateful for the opportunity I have to serve with you.
I leave these thoughts and my love and concern with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
References: “O Be Wise” Oct 2006 General Conference, Elder M Russell Ballard http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=5fef0d034ceae010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
“Daughters of God” April 2008 General Conference, Elder M Russell Ballard http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=9694558fcc599110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
“World Wide Leadership Conference” Feb 2008 http://lds.org/library/display/0,4945,8027-1-4404-4,00.html
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